The bond between you and your child grows stronger in the toddler years, even if he spends much of the time stomping and screaming. In fact, those fits are a testament to your closeness.
Tantrums from toddlers are a bit like lover's quarrels, according to Adam. "They're only capable of that meltdown because they love you so much," she says. In other words, your child couldn't be so disappointed or angry unless he trusted you deeply in the first place.
Even when you're incredibly frustrated with your toddler, don't worry that you'll stop loving him. Again, you have biology on your side. British researchers recently scanned the brains of 20 mothers who were looking at pictures of their own young children. The part of the brain that controls pleasure — the same part involved in romantic love — lit up like a slot machine hitting the jackpot. The part that judges and criticizes, however, practically shut down.
Mom Jen Harrington certainly has trouble seeing any shortcomings in her son, even now that he's a big 5-year-old. He was one of those angelic, no-hassle kids that other parents envy. ("When he was a baby, we would sometimes joke that we should poke him just to see if he could cry," she says.) But she and her husband are equally crazy about their daughter, Abigail, a crier and screamer who's as strong-willed as her brother is mellow.
"Before she was born, I was worried that I couldn't love another child as much as I love Josh," Harrington says. "But I do."
Your toddler has a rich range of emotions. (If you spend 15 minutes with him in a grocery store, there's a good chance you'll see every one of them.) But he still doesn't understand the concept of "love" as you know it. Toddlers often throw the word around loosely: They may say they love you, but they'll also say they love their books or their toys or their third-favorite cereal. (Remember, these are the same people who like to call all four-legged animals "doggies.")
Even so, you don't have to worry about your place in your toddler's universe. He's keenly aware that you're important, and when he gets hurt or wants to cuddle, he doesn't run to his toys or the cereal cupboard. "Children want help from the people they trust the most," says Braungart-Rieker, the University of Notre Dame psychologist.
Tantrums from toddlers are a bit like lover's quarrels, according to Adam. "They're only capable of that meltdown because they love you so much," she says. In other words, your child couldn't be so disappointed or angry unless he trusted you deeply in the first place.
Even when you're incredibly frustrated with your toddler, don't worry that you'll stop loving him. Again, you have biology on your side. British researchers recently scanned the brains of 20 mothers who were looking at pictures of their own young children. The part of the brain that controls pleasure — the same part involved in romantic love — lit up like a slot machine hitting the jackpot. The part that judges and criticizes, however, practically shut down.
Mom Jen Harrington certainly has trouble seeing any shortcomings in her son, even now that he's a big 5-year-old. He was one of those angelic, no-hassle kids that other parents envy. ("When he was a baby, we would sometimes joke that we should poke him just to see if he could cry," she says.) But she and her husband are equally crazy about their daughter, Abigail, a crier and screamer who's as strong-willed as her brother is mellow.
"Before she was born, I was worried that I couldn't love another child as much as I love Josh," Harrington says. "But I do."
Your toddler has a rich range of emotions. (If you spend 15 minutes with him in a grocery store, there's a good chance you'll see every one of them.) But he still doesn't understand the concept of "love" as you know it. Toddlers often throw the word around loosely: They may say they love you, but they'll also say they love their books or their toys or their third-favorite cereal. (Remember, these are the same people who like to call all four-legged animals "doggies.")
Even so, you don't have to worry about your place in your toddler's universe. He's keenly aware that you're important, and when he gets hurt or wants to cuddle, he doesn't run to his toys or the cereal cupboard. "Children want help from the people they trust the most," says Braungart-Rieker, the University of Notre Dame psychologist.
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